I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it was like eating out sand paper
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize