we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
