Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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