I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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