where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
