Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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