I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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