there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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