So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you had me at cake vodka
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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