dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
