And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
