i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize