ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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