So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
