Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
