Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize