dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize