Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
