and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
