So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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