So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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