If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
