Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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