That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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