Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
