Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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