I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Randomize
