I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
