i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
