My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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