I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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