Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
