I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
