You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
