just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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