I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
