I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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