yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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