It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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