Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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