i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
