Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
