I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
