I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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