Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
