WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
