fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
