dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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