Screwed.edu
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Randomize
