Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize