I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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