went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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