i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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