he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
