omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
