Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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