Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
