Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Congratulations! We have a period
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
