its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize