...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
