yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
