i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
