I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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