I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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