): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
