i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
