you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
