Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
