this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
