Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
