I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
