I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
