He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
