then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
