I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
