i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
