Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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