if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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