New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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