i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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