So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She told me I should be a condom model.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
