yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
