Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
