The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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