Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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