Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
