Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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