That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
