I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
