I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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