How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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