Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
