I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
