Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize