my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
