I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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