I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
