Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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