Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
