Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
