I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
