Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
