im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
