goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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