my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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