your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
