Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
