At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
