My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
