need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
