Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
