So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
